Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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