I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize