I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
