he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
