I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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