i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They took my balls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
