Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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