Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And then my night got REAL pukey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
