All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
