I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
