I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There are leaves in my underwear?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
