She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
