This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
