You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
