areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
