I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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