Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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