Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
