so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
