Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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