i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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