I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize