So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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