I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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