The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
