Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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