they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
