New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize