accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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