I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
