I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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