where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
