Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize