Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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