she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
