I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
