i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
