TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
