I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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