I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
