His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
