in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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