census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
