I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
