i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize