i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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