He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
