I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
