my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
