community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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