I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
