Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize