So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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