Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
