He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
last night I used snow as a chaser
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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