Yo dont text me then not text me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
