She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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