porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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