JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
