This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
