just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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