We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
