theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
