quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
