Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
