wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
