Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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