ugly people sure do ruin things
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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