Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
