mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
