ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
