i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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