Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
