but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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