you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
