i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I checked into jail on foursquare
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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