I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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