I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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