Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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