i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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