i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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