I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
