ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
