Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
