It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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