ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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