May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
