I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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