kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
