fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize