anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
