fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
