omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
