You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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