Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
