your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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