I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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