I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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