Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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